Saturday, July 30, 2011

Grandma Kicks Burglar in the Balls

Kansas City grandma and ball kicking expert Jessica Thomas was out on a walk with her grandchildren in the vicinity of 43rd and Pittman just east of Arrowhead Stadium when they returned to find that the front door of their home had been kicked in. Grandma said that they had only been on a short 15 minute walk to due to the extreme heat. Upon entering her home (why the hell she didn't just call the police immediately we don't know) an armed burglar nabbed her 2 grandchildren and told her to get in the house.

Grandma decided not to cooperate with the burglar and engaged him in hand to gun combat "you don't mess with the grandkids. That's the mother lion instinct," with this in mind she attacked the burglar who then attempted to beat her down with his gun, breaking her arm and cutting her forehead in the process. Grandma put up a good fight however, and in an adrenaline fueled rage proceeded to kick him in the balls. In grandma's own words; "I threw myself in front of the door and decided at that point I was going to make a field goal kick in his groin, and I did".

After grandma kicked the burglar in the balls, he fled the scene and everyone was safe save for grandma's broken arm and the burglar's sore balls. She says that she believes that the burglar lives in her neighborhood and she intends to put a sign out in her front yard saying that she forgives the man (say what?).

I guess the lesson here is, if you're going to enter into the career of burglary, you should probably wear a cup, or grandma will kick you in the balls.

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